What's Normal? What Needs Psychotherapy?

by Carol Campbell, MFT

We are all curious about ourselves. But did you ever notice how much easier it is to notice pathology in other people? Taking a long look in the psychological mirror can be a daunting assignment, but somehow it is so effortless to tell your mother she is too bossy, or your sister that she always hogs the spotlight, or your co-worker that he needs to get over himself already.

Then, when we do get around to some self-examination, the temptation is to go overboard with the self-flagellation. After a day when the dog runs away, the teacher phones with a complaint about Taylor's classroom behavior, and the property tax bill arrives is more likely to be a day you call yourself names and drown in self-disgust. But even on a sunny day after you've flossed your teeth and had seven servings of locally grown produce, you may wonder: Am I OK? Do I need to see a psychotherapist?

I have never met a person who would not benefit from psychotherapy at some point in his/her life. Therapy can be an experience that, over time, transforms your life into something far more satisfying than you had thought possible. So how do you know when to just deal with your troubles, and when it makes sense to start interviewing therapists?

Marriage and Family Therapists are trained to help deal with emotional troubles and disorders by a variety of techniques that all involve your creating and developing a unique relationship with the therapist. So Marriage and Family Therapists are going to help you feel better by talking with you about your relationships with the people in your life, and especially with your relationship with the therapist him/herself. The irony is that the more severe your troubles, the more likely you are to hesitate to want to reach out and connect to the stranger that any therapist is before you meet him/her.

Let's first imagine a line running between my old problems and my new problems. If my troubles fall mostly on the line closer to "new problems," I will likely benefit from a short stint in therapy. It doesn't take much to get me back in the saddle and feeling back to normal again.

If what is troubling me today is just the latest iteration of the same general complaint I have had my whole life, then I need a therapy designed to address my underlying personality. It is time in that case to find a marriage and family therapist who can deal with the causes, not just the symptoms, of my troubles. This could be long-term work.

Immediate attention is called for in the case of such concerns as: suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, severe trauma resulting in inability to function normally, or emotional distress that feels truly overwhelming. Problems that don't take care of themselves or that reoccur with regularity are next up in urgency. Finally, just wanting some professional help in getting to a more satisfying emotional place in life is a good reason to call a therapist. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go for it!

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Calls regarding appointments are welcome at my private voicemail: 650-325-2576.

Carol L. Campbell, MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist providing psychotherapy and psychoanalysis for individual adults and couples in Palo Alto, California. She has degrees from Brown University and Santa Clara University and has been licensed since 1991. Carol is a graduate of the Palo Alto Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Training Program sponsored at Stanford by the San Francisco Center for Psychoanalysis and was a candidate at the Psychoanalytic Institute of Northern California in San Francisco from 2010-2011. She is also a clinical member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and the Northern California Society for Psychoanalytic Psychology.